Are we raising defenders?
Posted on 09. Apr, 2010 by Brett in Leadership
My friend Philip Cummings in Memphis tweeted an article this week that’s just been haunting me. It was about a teenage girl in Massachusetts who killed herself after being bullied at school. And when I started Googling around, the rabbit hole just got
Articles like this make me wonder. Did anybody stick up for these kids? Did anyone step in front of the bullies? Was there even one gritty 16-year old boy who took a stand?
Maybe I’m wrong, but I have to think not.
When I’m a Christian parent, I’ll teach my kids right and wrong, but I hope I also teach the other side of the Gospel—the side that values justice over passivity, steely resolve over blithe compliance, and action over inaction. I don’t want “polite, moral, and preppy” to be my child-rearing end-game.
“Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.” – Ps. 82:3
I don’t know…maybe Christian parents care more about their kid being sweet and smart and athletic and popular than being a defender of the weak?
We’ve trained our boys to be polite and compliant. That’s well and good. But why are so few willing to “defend the cause of the weak and fatherless?” I guess that’s what happens when you teach kids about “conflict resolution” when what they really need is training in conflict engagement. “Resolution” is the language of flight; “engagement” is the language of rushing in.
I hope and pray some day that I have a son and that he feels as strongly about defending the weak as he does about sports or video games or moral issues. I hope I raise a boy who’s a football star; I really do. But more than that, I pray I raise a kid hellbent on justice and truth and taking a stand.
And maybe one day, as a skinny 15-year old, he’ll get suspended from school because he shut up the biggest, baddest bully on campus.
I think that’d be cool.
He’ll have a proud, teary-eyed dad waiting on him when he gets home. And we’ll load up the mini-van and take the whole family out to dinner to celebrate.
A future dad can dream can’t he?
7 Responses to “Are we raising defenders?”
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Nathan Cosker
09. Apr, 2010
I’m with you Brett! David was a sensitive, loving man of God … but he was also known as THE warrior of his time. Christian men should have a complete personality that represents ALL of God’s character, that is, both the Lion & the Lamb.
Roger Dorn
09. Apr, 2010
Yes, I would not mind picking my kid up from school after getting suspended for cleaning some bullies clock. I wouldn’t mind at all…
Dathan
09. Apr, 2010
I love it! Great point!
Vicki Hood
09. Apr, 2010
I think the one thing that breaks my heart is to find out your child was bullied in school and what is worse, finding out yrs after the fact that it was because of their Christian stand. Somer was bullied by classmates in high school and would find out at her funeral and weeks and months later that her ” friends” chimed right in making fun of her for being this sold out Christian girl. The only time we were ever told was because a boy in 10th grade actually hit her in the throat with the side of his hand during class. The teacher apparently wasn’t in the room, and when it was done, the other kids laughed. This was the one time as her parents, we went and filed a police report and was told it would be handled, but nothing was ever done. It scares me to think that I now have another teen in the same school many yrs later. The one thing this has taught me is that I drill into Abbi every chance I get, that if she is ever bullied, by students, or teachers, she is to tell immediately! I tear up even now thinking about what Somer must have gone through. This is an epidemic and I’m not sure what it’s going to take for it to stop.
Laura
09. Apr, 2010
Vicki, yes, one of my sons endured some pretty serious bullying, and that was at a Christian school! As parents we never found out until several years later. Brett is right..correction needs to come from the teens themselves, from ‘defenders’ who will stand up and say, ‘that is not right.’ The bullied ones themselves will never tell about it at home for fear of their parents taking some action and inflicting more ‘ire’ for ‘tattling’…so, it needs to come from young people of character who will take up the cause of the weak. WELL SAID, Brett…awesome.
Denny Holland
10. Apr, 2010
Awesome post! I would high five my kid in front of the principal. You get my vote for “coolest future dad”. My dad always told me NEVER pick a fight but if I was being picked on I “better bloody their nose”.
Stacey
13. Apr, 2010
It’s too easy to stay comfortable and stay silent. It’s too easy to expect someone else to face the conflict. it’s too easy to cower away from a heated situation. No one wants to jump in the frying pan with no reward. No one wants to step out simply because it is ‘the right thing to do’.
We, as Christians, need to ‘man up’ and protect those who cannot protect themselves. We need to speak truth and be peace makers (who often receive flack).
Great post and great thoughts. Your kids may not be ‘worldly cool’ but they’d get my stamp of ‘coolness’!