Chapter to Porch: A fraternity lesson
Posted on 31. Mar, 2010 by Brett in Leadership
I’ve written on this blog several times about my college fraternity experience. We weren’t the beer-can-crunchers like you see in movies. We worked really really hard to build a great organization. And we won some big awards.
I could write a book on all the lessons I learned during those years, but there is one that still burns bright five years after graduation.
Every Sunday night 80 men would cram into a musty fraternity house. Sitting on grimy couches and surrounded by old trophies and composite pictures, we’d debate, often late into the night. Everyone was passionate and everyone had an opinion.
Do we give this jerk kid a bid just because his dad is an alum? Do we kick this guy out for underage drinking? Who should be the next president?
80 brains alive, picking apart every rhetorical angle of the debate. Oh, the debate! Loud debate! If a stranger walked into the room, they’d think we were the icons of dysfunction.
BUT…
I was always amazed how guys could go from combatants to buddies once the meeting ended. In the 30 second walk from chapter room to front porch, a miraculous transformation would take place. Frat-battle-royale would melt away and take a backseat to the friendships that held the organization together. Guys would separate the issue from the person. Guys would remember that the brotherhood was greater than the business being discussed. Guys would properly balance the good of the organization and the value of that individual. Guys would demand fraternal excellence while not forgetting personal grace.
And this is unusual in organizations.
Why?
Because most people are thin-skinned and can’t handle conflict; they run from the tension. People storm out of the room, give the silent treatment or barricade themselves in their office and get drunk off Solitaire. The organization can’t handle it, and conflict goes extinct because no one likes living in a battle zone. Peace is easier and mediocrity sets in.
Growth is hard. Success is a painful process, and it always requires struggle. If you want to build a great organization, build a culture where it’s okay to be passionate, and it’s okay to disagree. And require it to be done on a trellis of respect. That demands strong leadership.
Leaders walk in that zone between the chapter room and the porch where people fight for the organization but temper that fight with love for one another.
6 Responses to “Chapter to Porch: A fraternity lesson”
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Rick Barnes
31. Mar, 2010
Nice, Brett.
Matt Fike
31. Mar, 2010
Good words brother! Churches and Church staff need this atmosphere in a genuine way. To truly be able to recognize that each individual person is gifted in a specific way and that the organization as a whole needs each individual perspective and giftedness-no matter how seemingly big or small- is an amazingly rare thing. I greatly treasure our experiences in the fraternity and think often on how we operated with a sincere love for one another while keeping our eyes always towards excellence in everything. Thank you for your recollection of that experience and lesson. Your blog rocks!
Sarah Martin
31. Mar, 2010
This is so powerful:
“If you want to build a great organization, build a culture where it’s okay to be passionate, and it’s okay to disagree.”
Great stuff!
Brett
31. Mar, 2010
You nailed it Matt. Organizations explode when “a sincere love for one” meets us up with an absolute commitment to excellence.
Stephanie
01. Apr, 2010
Growth, indeed, is hard! As I construct my new team and experience the challenge that is becoming a manager for the first time, I will certainly keep this in mind. My desire is to create a culture in which people don’t become bitter and alienate one another in their differing standpoints, but, rather, one in which team members grow in respect for one another for their different strengths. It’s the combination of our passionate ideas that will create a product that’s truly great and behind which we can all stand. :)
Reminds me of 1 Corinthians 12 and the body of Christ.
Lisa
01. Apr, 2010
Our system is undergoing much change right now due to the severe budget cuts and there is a huge loss of morale. This really helped me today and I passed it on to my fellow faculty members. Maybe it helped them too. Thanks!!!